I don’t usually use my LJ to review current movies and stuff but I’m going to make an exception.
Don’t see GI Joe: Rise of Cobra! (and probably none of the sequels, either.)
It’s the most boring action movie I’ve ever seen... barring some Italian 3D stuff in the 80’s but I’ve tried to scrub those out of my mind.
My expectations weren’t even that high. I mean, I knew it was a bubble-gum, special-effects movie that would be low on plot and character development, but I was expecting something on the level with Fantastic Four or Transformers 2 which were decent but I wouldn’t see them again. My hopes plummeted when, arriving late to the theatre, the person I was with (who’d seen it before) informed me that since we’d missed the first 10 minutes, nothing would make sense.
It’s a 2-hour movie and the whole plot is explained and discarded in the first 10 minutes? EEEEEP!
Actually, that turned out not to be true. The story was so formulaic that it was easy to figure out what was going on. What wasn’t easy to understand? Why, with the how many hundreds of millions they spent on this movie, didn’t they spend a little more for a decent script? There were gaping holes in the basic science, the characterizations, and the plot (what plot?). There was no logic and little coherency to any of it. I’ve read better flowing action stories in fan fiction. Hell! I’ve written better.
Two things I’ll give them kudos for.
1. The requisite romance between the hero’s rule-breaking, comic-relief side-kick (who wasn’t very funny or very rule-breaking) and the over-achieving, hyper-focussed brainiac still took place even though they were of different colour. This is still not something you see much in mainstream ‘serious’ movies let alone brainless summer blockbusters. I mean, there was no reason Megan Fox’s character had to be white in Transformers; she just had to look good in shorts.
2. They allowed a man of Islamic descent to be one of the good guys in the main team. Sure, he was Muslim by way of France, but he was certainly of Arabic descent. It’s not really mentioned or brought up (unless it was in those missed 10 minutes) but it’s there. A Muslim is a Good Guy; a Scotsman is the Bad Guy. (You know he’s the Bad Guy because his accent is so over-the-top—only Bad Guys get to speak like that.)
I like action movies. When they are done well they transport me and turn me into a superhero. They get my blood flowing and my heart pumping. I root for the hero(es) and cheer when they win, even though I knew it was inevitable. When they are done okay they will often have something I can enjoy; usually the good looking hero or the stunts or the effects. When they are done badly, like this one, I sit there and think ‘I could be washing my hair right now’.
We should’ve gone to Ice Age 3 instead.